Who's Driving this THING?

So now we're on our way into week 11. According to all the stuff I've read, we're out of the "danger zone"...As I knock on wood...But I don't know that the nerves ever quite subside. I must say, I've never felt so out of control with regard to anything. I am SO not driving this one - I'm not driving how big I'm getting, or how small I'm NOT staying, it's just happening. It's a tough thing to get my mind around. I'm also not in control as to how well this baby does in pregnancy. Until I feel it moving, I won't even know that it's doing okay. That's something that once it does start moving I could at least monitor for normalcy, but in the meantime, I have no confirmation that everything's okay. Yes, I'm trying to micro-manage my own body. It's worked for this long... (wait, no it hasn't. I'm coo coo!).

On a more sentimental note, I'm realizing that this worrying that I'm doing now and the lack of control I have is simply a symptom of how deeply I feel for this baby. I'm realizing that this feeling of helplessness and constant worry, while admittedly a sign of my constant neuroses, is a clear indication of what the future has in store and what it must feel like to fall madly in love with a child. You can't lock it up in closet to keep it safe, you have to just trust that you know what you're doing and can then impart this wisdom on to a child. But you're never completely in control - sure you play a key roll, but then there's fate and life in general rolling around out there that is much more powerful that we will ever be. Wow. I guess it's time for this neurotic micro manager to surrender and learn to let go. Yeah. I'll start working on that -- neurotically, of course.