Debate of the day

We've been discussing our jumping on the bandwagon by banking our baby's cord blood. This would be harvesting her stem cells for emergency medical purposes. After some extensive reading and research I'm actually thinking it sounds like a lot of money for something that we'll never use and will actually go bad after a relatively short amount of time. However, the option of "donating" the cord blood affords us similar liberties with our own donation, can also save other lives, but costs nothing. This is starting to look like a more sensible option. I clearly have more reading to do but I'm starting to think a lot of these for-profit cord blood companies are preying on parents' fears of "what if?" and "you only have one chance", etc. I was buying it for a while...but I'm not so sure anymore...

More on this subject to come.

By the way, I have a ballerina in my belly! Kick, leap, turn, plie! Unfortunately, Josh is starting to think this whole pregnancy is a rouse - every time I say, "quick, come here, she's kicking" he drops everything and runs in...to no avail. He's starting to wonder if I've fabricated this whole story. The ultrasounds, the weight gain, all an elaborate hoax. "Well, no honey, but damn if that doesn't sound like a great idea, a 9 month pregnancy hoax... I wish I would have thought of that. Brilliant." (rolls eyes)

;)

Glamour Shots (and kicks)

Okay this is almost like one of those glamorous Demi Moore cover-of-a-magazine shots, but not quite... Frankly this picture is a little frumpier than what I would typically post on the internet, however, I needed to do something for posterity and what not. And this is not the former neurotically weight-aware person saying this but I actually think this may make my belly look a little bit bigger than it truly is, but it's a close representation. This is a shot at 21 weeks and 3 days. And it's clearly taken with the finest in photographic technology...

I'll try and put my "good mom" medals on and get some real shots taken here soon (and no, they won't rival the recent Brittney Spears nekkid ones).

By the way, a milestone I must mark this evening - she kicked me. Hard! It startled me so much that I screamed. I screamed so much that the dog barked. It's a mad house around here! While it was a neat event and clearly a turning point in the pregnancy, I'm sure the baby activity, mixed with my screaming, and the dog barking is just a TINY little replica of the chaos that surely awaits! Weeeeee! Party party party!

My refusal to participate

I'm not wearing any leopard print baby carrier cover thing. My little girl will not be dressing like a hooker in spite of her mother's best intentions.

Joshua

Stuff that's neat.

Well here we are over half-way through week 21. They aren't kidding with that whole nesting thing. I guess in lieu of a new home to move in to, I've been a crazy window-shopping fiend. The stuff out there is just over-the-top. A Louis Vuitton (knock-off, of course) crystal binky? Necessary? Probably not. But it's the thought that counts and one which I whole-heartedly applaud. SO, the following bit of blather is just my way of remembering sites I think have something cute to offer.

But first, before we shop, a quick baby update (after all, she is the "reason for the season") - lots of movement. I'm actually starting to feel her from the outside. I can't help but laugh out loud every time I feel this. It's so funny! It's like her daily role call - just checking in! Very comforting. Oh, and I even think I'm beginning to discern one "end" from the other. On my right side I have a very distinct contour of something and on my left side it's like softer, there's nothing really solid behind it. However, I think up by my ribs on the left side I do have something else, perhaps the other end? I know she's still supposed to be taking advantage of all the room she still has, so I'm sure she hasn't committed to her permanent hang-out spot necessarily, but I think she's definitely scoping out the scene!

Oh, and I'm struggling with the logistics, but I'll be attempting my first self portrait posting soon. My belly button, I think, is in it's final hours as I once knew it -- we're about two clicks away from an outtie. Not even kidding.

Okay, first up adorable baby announcements...wait, do people still do this? Or have we been reduced to simply e-mailing the info to our mass mailing list. Be on guard...you could be getting one of these in the mail. Act surprised.

Some of the cutest baby/kids' clothes I've seen online. Mercy. Sickeningly cute.

Good heavens! This brand, Tralala, gave me a physiological tic just due to the sheer sweetness overload. However, it's entirely possible, I'm experiencing the information super highway equivalent of being "de-programmed". "...must coo at baby outfits, must coo at baby outfits..." (the main site a child's closet has links to other over-the-top kids' clothes sites)

Who knew cleaning up a poopy baby could be so chic!

I'm sure Josh will be using the baby carrier more than I will so this seems a little unfair to saddle him with this "fabulous-ness" but dang it if these aren't fashionable!

Now, I am in full support of a woman's need to address lactation/feeding issues in public places. HOWEVER, that said, it's always a little uncomfortable to see a woman in full view using no discretion or strategically placed blankie to hide the buffet. So, knowing I'd never want to be "that guy" these seem awfully cute, functional, and dare I say...hip! Oh, and please disregard the unfortunate product name that in one instance takes away all the "chic points"!

These are general ideas of the bedding I am drawn to - click here and here. I believe my mother, Betsy Ross, will be stitching the unique designs that will ultimately be our baby bedding. She is a. outrageously crafty b. a terribly fabulous "Mimi" already and c. (luckily)as obsessed as I am about our bedding! OH and d. determined to have a chandelier in the nursery.

And while we're on the subject - this is the crib we're hopefully going with. It's round - I love that!!

Love this! - cute AND functional. As you can see our carseat is kinda "boy-ish" it's navy and light blue BUT it was one of like TWO jog-type strollers (not that I'm a jogger of course, in fact the thought makes me snicker, but they're a bit more rugged for any terrain from parks, to streets, to hikes, etc.) SO whatever we can do to cute up this rig, I'll take it!

Oh goodness, this is too much cuteness and germ-free-ness. I want to ride in this!!

Great stationary!

Okay, I'll keep adding to this post as I find little goodies. I need to keep my e-thoughts organized :)

Baby Overloads 'R' Us

Okay, housekeeping issues first: I officially require a pillow pyramid to sleep comfortably at night and even then I can't say the process is exactly dreamy. Secondly, lots of baby movement. But man, is she fickle - one minute she's moving a ton and loving it, the next minute, she's refusing to do anything. It's like I already need cheerios or something to sweeten the deal. "Dance, monkey, dance!"

Now on to our top story --- The Baby Registry! Well, we did it. We spent about 5 hours yesterday polishing up our baby registry. Luckily, I have good friends who have all taken this leap prior to me so I enlisted their help and best consumer reports. This made for more advised decision-making while in the throws of RandomBabiethingsRUs. However, that said, this was by far the most overwhelming experience of the entire baby having process. I had no idea that we would spend an hour in one aisle of the store examining latex nipples. Who knew?? A year ago if someone said "latex nipple" to me, I would have had horrible, inappropriate images. Now, they're the bane of my existence.

Another spot we spent a significant amount of time was the one housing the little mini baby bathtubs. None of these looked comfortable! Would I want to be bathed in one of those? What about the one with massaging jets? Necessary? What kind of stress could this child possibly need to have "melted away" by the "soothing jet action"? We actually ended up going with a tub that has a separate sprayer nozzle thing. You see, my only experience with bathing a living entity involves something of the canine persuasion. Typically an old Big Gulp glass has proven sufficient for circulating the water over their mangy locks. I'm assuming this is grounds for dismissal from the Mother of the Year club, so we went with the sprayer nozzle thus sparing the child from the ritualistic baptism with the recycled soapy water.

And finally, we (after leaving to fuel up on a much needed and very late lunch and ultimately regaining consciousness) got to the "gear" section. This section afforded us the opportunity to browse the many ways to transport your cargo. We had high chairs (ick), car seats, strollers, "travel systems", play yards (the contraption formerly known as "Play Pins"), swings, entertainment centers (huh?), exercisers, bouncers AND jumpers! Like the nipples weren't enough! Now I'm bombarded with a section that should be entitled "places to sit your kid". Because that's precisely what this area entailed. Yeesh. Oh, and apparently an exerciser is key to good parenting. I had no idea. I had really planned on going with the baby elliptical trainer, but apparently this little saucer contraption is paramount in burning that troublesome baby fat.

Ultimately, we finished our registry and made all of these life-altering decisions with no disagreements or emotional meltdowns. I thanked Josh for enduring this retail torture because I really would have crumbled without him. He was not only a nice, calm voice of reason, but he was also immeasurable comic relief. Had it not been for him, I would have been one of the many whaling cries echoing throughout the aisles of the store. (That place is crawling with children - now I realize the name is "babies r us" but after I give birth I can't imagine going there at will!) It was a taxing day and for now, we can rest easily (pillows and all!) knowing we have all of these critical decisions made for our little bundle. Hopefully she can fully appreciate the textured, water resistant changing pad we chose for her...... it's really nice.

:)
Week 20. Happy 4th of July!
http://www.babiesrus.com
We're registry #98922357

Massive update - with nothing massive happening.

It's our half way mark!!! I'm hoping to be induced at week 38 (and for other reasons* mentioned below) I think now at week 19 we are officially half-way there!!

**Tada dum, tada dum, tada dum**

That's the sound of me drumming my fingers in boredom. It's true what they say about the second trimester -- nothing much happens! One exciting bit - we saw another sonogram. This little girl is growing rapidly and appears to be super healthy. She's got a great heartbeat; we saw all four chambers of the heart. That was cute, it's nice to know that's working as it should be. We also got a great shot of her face. I didn't really notice it at the time (we got a still photo/printout of it) but the more I've studied it, the more surreal it seems --- that's her face! She has eye sockets and nasal bones and I can even see her whole jaw. It's like a little skull. And as creepy as that sounds, I can see her face shape. It's like it gives her a "look" like an appearance that I can already discern. She has high cheek bones that we can already see. It's very cool, particularly since those are mine! I have high cheek bones too. And so that's been exciting. In a very abstract way, we're kind of able to put a "name with a face."

Second order of business, we took a vacation. It was wonderful - so relaxing. Everything went so smoothly. It was on this trip that I was finally able to recognize baby movement. We had lots of down time, Josh did a ton of reading and I did a ton of crossword and Sodoku puzzles. This relaxed lounge time, I guess, was just what I needed to fully evaluate the ubiquitous bubbles I'd been feeling for weeks (I really thought I had some serious "tummy grumbles" that never came to, uh, fruition...) But I've been watching for her to make some clear movement for me lately and while it's faint, I can feel something going on in there. She's supposedly pretty big right now (actually bigger than she should be, so they informally *moved my due date up a week). She's 14 cm long and weighs 10 ounces. This was more consistent with a 19th week of pregnancy (which is where I am now, but then I was only at 18). It's amazing to think that there is something this big living in me and I rarely feel it. It seems like the plot of some bizarre extra terrestrial film.

Another minimal piece of info that I should make note of at this point as well: we had a "triple screening" done last week. It's an optional series of blood tests that test for many birth defects, primarily Downs Syndrome, Spina Bifida, etc. Ugly side of pregnancy, but I'm sure we'll get a clean bill. I'm not too worried. Everything about this pregnancy seems so healthy - I've been fine, the baby is fine, her pictures reflect nothing but good health. So I'm sure we have nothing to worry about. The catch to these tests are that they have a high rate of false positives - like 1 out of 10 comes back positive, even though the reality of these defects happening is statistically much lower. So it really sends a lot of worried parents to specialists for no reason. So I'm braced for this to happen, but I'm confident that everything will be fine.

And finally -- wow, and I thought I had nothing to write -- the subject of names just keeps coming up over and over again. I know I have been exactly like this when I've had girlfriends expecting - it's an obvious question for people to ask. But when you're not sure of names yet and you make the mistake early on of mentioning it, you hear it come back to you through the grapevine. It's just funny, by the time it gets back to you, you could be, like SO over that name. So we've just decided to keep mum on the subject. We've also learned that the reactions aren't always so favorable when you rattle off a list of names - you get input. The unsolicited feedback forever taints that name and you feel prematurely bad for your ill-named child. So, we have a few ideas we keep playing around with, but I think we'll wait till we actually see her to make this indelible mark on her!

Okay, I think that's it. Oh and for my own recording purposes - I've gained 14 pounds and according to many sources that's right where I should be at this point in the pregnancy. Now, if I could just maintain this pace I think I'll be okay! For anyone who knows me, I'm 100% neurotic about my weight so this is the most "under control" it's ever been - so ironic!!

*GROWL* Whoa, I hear ya, baby! Time to go feed the tiny bubbles some lunch!

josh the silent partner

This is Joshua. A Girl, I can't believe it. I hope she loves Motorcycles, Skateboards, and a father who wears a gorilla suit. This Girl will be very spoiled.
Keeping it real.
Joshua
P.S. Niki is a real trooper. She hasn't had any of the pregnancy side effects that most women have. very good for me. I'm very lucky that she is a superhero. She should get a medal.

It's a GIRL!!!

Tiny Bubbles

I think I felt it! I just had what felt like a little mouse scratching at a wall bubble up in my tummy! Now, I've had this plenty of times and I've been passing this off as gas, but this time I laughed out loud, it was like this was somehow different. And was not accompanied by any gurgling tummy or anything indicative of gas. And so I called Josh to tell him and then I said "it's either a little fart or our child!" And I'm sure you can see the obvious joke - many parents would say they eventually become one in the same. No, I would never insinuate such a thing... But anyway, we were very tickled by the experience, Josh was very amped.

Now, on a second note - we have an appointment on Thursday, just your average monthly appointment. HOWEVER, as we are now into Week 16 many reports say that we may be able to detect the sex of the baby at this time. But at our last appointment our midwife did not think we should rely on this appointment for the official sonogram. You see, insurance will pay for one, and it is technically supposed to be what's called an anatomy check - they are looking for the correct count of arms, legs, eyes, etc. You know, key parts. Now, if we go on record at this Thursday's appointment as having had our anatomy check sonogram, insurance will not pay for another one should we not get sufficient views of the "important parts". Hmph! So, I called the office today to see if they were at all booked on Thursday (this office is traditionally pretty cool about sneaking patients into a sonogram room if they're not busy and just not billing anyone)...and they are NOT booked, they're wide open that day!! Yippee! SO we might just be able to find out the sex of this little bug on Thursday! Oh, and an update on the gender vibes? Just as Josh was leaving this evening (going to a class) he looked at my high-waisted, drawstring pants all snuggly fit around my belly and said "Oh yea, it's definitely a girl." WHAT?! I thought we were both on a boy kick right now? Yeesh. This wait is excruciating! How do those with normal impulse behavior wait out the 40 weeks? Hopefully we only have to wait 4 days!!

I'll try to keep an eye on my tiny bubbles, too. I'm pretty sure our little mouse just made it's first communications to the world! :) Hellooo!

"...this line is for serious emergencies only..."

Okay, so when you're 3 and 1/2 months pregnant what constitutes an emergency? A mysterious pain? I should think so! Again, let me preface this by tooting my horn once more -- I'm really not a WUSS. In fact when it comes to being concerned about my health, my theory is, drink more water. That'll usually clear up just about anything. Headache? Drink more water! Cold/Sniffles? Drink more water! You get the idea. I'm just not a big advocate of seeking medical attention. The body is awfully resilient. Now, that said... I just made my first phone call to the "emergencies only" line at my doctors office.

I've been having a sharp pain today (currently it's a dull ache) right in the ol' baby basket. Right under my belly button, top of my pubic bone. That's like the front door to Babyville - an area I've clearly been keeping an eye on these days! So, after a few raised eyebrows (e.g. "ooh...what the hell was that?!"), a mention of the concern to the baby-daddy (who shared my concern), and a few more (higher now) raised eyebrows coupled with painful winces, I chose to use the emergency line. Well, first I looked up everything I could on line that I might use to self-diagnose/self-medicate (perhaps I'd stumble on an advocate for Cosmopolitans as a homeopathic remedy?!?) The internet generally said, when googling "stabbing" "pain" "sharp" "pregnancy", that these were not good things. I had had ligament pain in the first trimester where the ligaments that keep everything in place start stretching and it did not feel like this and it was more general acheyness. This was sharp, shooting, and like tooth-ache white hot pain - but for 1/2 a second. So it was like a "drive-by" as far as pain goes. And all of the info on the internet said "round ligament pain" was typically to the sides.

So this prompted me to use the emergency line. I had to leave a message on an answering service and I think I apologized 20 times just in case I was over-reacting and this was not a "real" emergency. Well, all this anticipation and the midwife on call called me back and confirmed that I was experiencing text-book, uber-classic, "round ligament pain". I guess my first trimester's tip-toe through round ligament pain was just an appetizer. Yum. So apparently today is the day our little guest has decided to roll out the ol' barcalounger and make him/herself at home. I hope s/he's comfy. I know I'm not - but thanks to my handy little emergency line, I can at least have some peace of mind (and from now on --- NO APOLOGIES, if it's urgent in my mind, I'm calling the damn emergency only line! I'm going to get my co-pay's worth on this ride!)

Party Pics!

Okay, so we got this like forever ago, but we just got it scanned. (Trust us, Baby, your mom and dad are NOT slackers, we do plenty of things on time -- just not your baby journal...)

This is our 8 week sonogram. The big ball at the top of the white globby pattern (yes, our child) is not the head - it's the yolk sac. The sonographer laughed at us when we asked that. Just below that is the head, which blends right in with the thickest part, which is the heart, and it was beating rapidly: 154 bpm. And then it tapers off to a tail (they assured us this was very normal and we were not, in fact, having a newt!)

Hee hee! Say cheese, Baby! It's your debut to the world!! 8)
Hey, and come to think of it, that's my uterus's debut as well. Wow. Humbling thought.

Flavor of the week

When this whole pregnancy started, up until about yesterday, I was absolutely certain that this baby would be a girl. However, just yesterday I got a strong WAVE of "boy" vibe. And it's still there today. I'm not sure what this is about. But we're firing off boy names like crazy and they seem so right. The girl names I thought I would have an abundance of are not coming to me as readily as the boys' names. Hmm. Josh started getting boy vibes, too. Although I can't really picture me with a boy, the notion is starting to grow on me. You know....I say all this, but deep down I feel an odd, deeply-rooted sense for this baby being a girl. We will find out June 22nd. It seems so close, yet so far away (for lack of a better cliche).

On another note - I had an absolutely exhausting weekend. I am paying for it today for sure. We played so hard - visited mom an hour away (got a wonderful pedicure), went to an all-day, all-out pool party and then went to an all-day, all-out visit to Worlds of Fun (for anyone not local - it's a theme park whose name says it all...it's a "world" of fun......*insert pained eye roll here*). I think toward the end of the day yesterday my body was beginning to shut down. I was emotionally and mentally still doing great, but physically I was falling apart. My knees were so freakishly swollen they looked like fat lady knees - like the thigh never stopped and wedged in there somewhere is a chubby, forgotten knee cap dying to see the light of day. My hips hurt! This was new. I had not experienced this pre-pregnancy and did not even think about this as a physical ailment I would be contending with, although it seems to be a painfully obvious one (pun intended!). Well, my hips hurt, as did my feet. They felt like they'd been clubbed from the bottom. I did my best to avoid complaining, too. Luckily, Josh bought me some pop rocks and some laffy taffy and this got me through the final stretch.

I am in my fourth month and I can't help but wonder what my final months are going to be like - I'm typically not too much of a pansy, but I physically wanted to fall apart last night. Now, today, I'm paying for it. I guess Baby knows its limits and my exhaustion today is just one of the many "lessons" this little bugger will illustrate for me!

Dream Weaver

I've read about this happening to other pregnant women, but I have had some RIDICULOUS dreams lately! The other night I had a dream that I had taken the baby out of my stomach -- like where one's appendix would be (you'd think I'd have a better grasp as to how babies got "out"...). This was only after having a "dream" sonogram that revealed a boy and then panned over to reveal a girl right next to it. (Awesome - dream ambiguity. That's helpful!) As soon as I saw it on the monitor I ripped (uh-huh...I know...crazy) my stomach open and pulled the baby out to say hello to it and tell it how excited we were to meet it, etc. Then I realized I had to put the baby back in and now I had this gaping hole in my side. Damn. I hate it when I do that. I looked at the sonographer and said in a stupidly naive voice, "I should probably go to the emergency room, shouldn't I? I probably need to have some of this amniotic fluid put back, huh?" And the sonographer, of course, concurred... and the funny thing was, no one was particularly alarmed that I had done this - apparenlty we would just shove it back in. I guess it happens all the time.

Sigh.

Okay, so last night I had yet another similar dream. This time I was asking to be induced. I was in my 15th week and I was ready! I was explaining to everyone that we were going to induce because everything was "formed" and the baby was moving, so why not? Everyone was startled and I was becoming more and more frustrated that no one was excited for us. I mean, GEEZ PEOPLE! I was ready to have this baby - I mean, it had been three months already.

Yeah. Seriously. Every single night -- and I never wake up panicked. I wake up shaking my head because it's become so common place.

Flutter update: Still no fluttering yet. I've been feeling/listening intently, but nothing yet.

Nesting: *rolls eyes* Well, we're in this super fun housing limbo situation right now. We have to sell one house before buying the one I'm wanting -- but the seller doesn't want to take our offer since ours isn't sold yet. SO we have to at least get it on the market (no small task as we were in the midst of a pretty hairy renovation) before we can make an offer -- and then she'll let us "rent" it from her till our other one sells. Which means we'll be hella strapped until we do sell his. Anyway, it's just a hurry up and wait game. And it's hard to start doing what I'm instinctively programmed to do - NEST! Every time I look at baby furniture I have to look away because I can't get a settled feeling just yet. I'm sure that by July we'll be able to make a move, but for now...we're finishing a renovation on one house and amassing a bunch of boxes at the other house and simply driving by and looking longingly at another house. Home sweet homeless.

On a really exciting note for me personally ------ IT'S SUMMER!!! School's OUT!! Yipppeee!!

Happy summer, have a cocktail for me! (it's Memorial Day weekend, typically I spend this time on a raft, in a bikini with round the clock cocktails...I'm struggling this year.....)

Another milestone!

So, today was my first day of truly acquiescing and wearing a straight up maternity blouse. It was not one of the flowy type things - it was a very structured button up blouse with french cuffs and....tah dah...an empire waist neatly stitched under the chest. Wow. It's just bizarre I felt so comfortable. All of my fitted button up blouses were starting to pull at the belly - all I have needed was a beer/sweat stain around my gut and would totally be that slobby guy with a beer and a gaping shirt. So, I felt very at home in this shirt, but at the same time I felt like I didn't have the license just yet. It's so odd to explain -- it's like there's a secret club of REALLY pregnant women who get to wear the blatantly "maternity" type clothes and I don't quite qualify. However, today I just decided --- dammit! I DO QUALIFY! So there.

Also, our little peach is growing like crazy (according to the books). Last week we heard the heartbeat again -- and this time it was with one of those standard handheld monitors. Prior to this it was through this vaginal microphone thing. Frankly, it looked like a sex toy more than anything --- and trust me, it wasn't, uh, pleasurable. So getting the first sonogram - I have to explain this to illustrate the marvel of this latest sonogram - was very ambiguous. Sure, we heard a heartbeat up on a monitor and it was neat and all... But for all we knew the sonographer could have been playing a VCR tape with a little thump on it. In other words, there was no stomach area-baby heartbeat connection. We never saw anything happen in my tummy region to associate with baby. Okay -- so anyway, the other day we heard the heart beat and it was with the little dealie actually touching my belly. It was so cool. It was cool because after it was all over I could put my fingers exactly where the monitor had been and know that this is precisely where this baby was swimming around! Now I feel a little more connected to my stomach area now - it's like I can actually point the spot where this baby is! Josh and I both lit up when she showed us that and we agreed it was so much cooler than the "magic wand and tv monitor" version we had originally seen.

Okay, so yeah, a lot of chatter to capture the essence of our heartbeat experience, but it was really really neat. I can't wait to feel the "quickening" or the little swimming around/butterfly feeling I'm supposed to feel in the next week or so. Again, it will make everything seem so much more real. And I'll be dressed like one of the "club" members too, so that's good......

Next week, NESTING!! I'm DYING to start nesting!!!

SHOPPING!!!

It feels like Christmas!!! Yippeee!! My massive loss of control has resulted in a large batch of ebay deliveries! In spite of the ick factor of wearing a stranger's clothing and all of their random fabric softener smells (double ick) I am SO loving my new purchases!! I am sitting here wearing the MOST comfortable pair of cute jeans EVER! I may wear these forever. Why aren't most jeans this soft and cut generously (and yet "snug-ly") in all the right places. Apparently though, my boobs are not even fitting in XL type shirts... what size am I then?? Mercy. Enough of the breast tissue already!!

Okay, I know short post, but I have new shopping to dissect!!!

Hot Momma!

Week 12! I am toting around a baby right now who is about the size of a large lime. Why does this immediately make me think about fresh margaritas? Cause I'm a lush, that's why.

Anyway, here's the litany of complaints for the day. Today was one of those days where you just want to whine. SO much. I can't dress my damn self!!! I wore maternity pants for the 2nd time today, and they're just too big. So, here's the issue this created ALLLL DAYY: My pants were long in the crotch and dangling lowly on my hips, thus exposing my rotund belly out from under my barely staying buttoned shirt. Fun. ALLLL dayyy! It was one of those days where I didn't even want to get up to do my job because I knew my pants wouldn't stay up and I risked my gut poking out. OH, and so half way through the day I took the safety pin out of the middle of my blouse (the boob level pin that I discreetly affix every day) and used it to pin up my pants. So, of course I'm now contending with the shirt pull at two button levels - the boobs and the gut. Stunning. Did I mention I'm pail as a ghost too? Yeah, I'm hot. Happy summer. OH, and here's another fun little side effect of my prenatal vitamins. Haven't I heard everyone sing their praises over the years? I thought these little wonders were supposed to rock? For me, not so much. What it has done has made my hair grow like prairie grass. It's thick and heavy and has no shape whatsoever. Thus I've been forced to wear headbands like everyday. Pretty. Acrylic headbands. All the rage. Really. And back when I was thinner, more tan [tanner?], and had a generally pleasant look on my face, I put some darker "low lights" in my blonde hair... and now, well let's just say the look is ALLL gone now. I am now a fat, sloppily dressed, dishwatery flat hair havin', pale faced HOTTIE.

Now, all that said -- YES, it's all worth it. But if I could just hit my stride with my own vanity I'd sure as hell be enjoying this as it was meant to be enjoyed....

WORKING ON GLOWING,
~niki
P.S. ...I only have 9 more days of dressing up for work - then I'll be out on summer break and my daily "cutification" will not be necessary...

short

I love this woman.
Joshua

Crabtacular

Okay so what is it about this adorable little bun that sucks every bit of energy and friendliness right out of me. I am typically not a "hormonal" person, but DANG! "Fetus" is a nice medical term but it would seem so much more fitting if we just called it what it was - a parasite. It's taken over! Luckily I don't feel as hungry as I did before; in the up till about week 9 I was eating constantly! My appetite was never satiated. And right about week 6 or 7 till about last week I was extraordinarily tired. I mean, I could fall asleep mid-sentence. Now here we are about 1/2 way through week 10 and the hunger issue is subsiding a bit, the tiredness has been remedied with a rearrangement of the pre-natal vitamin as a morning ritual, the boobs are much less sore, but holy buckets if I'm not as crabby as a crabapple. Man, I feel so hostile. Simple things are making me a homocidal maniac. For instance, a really annoying commercial today apparently warrented swearing and a mad dash for the remote. ...a commercial... Yeah, it's ugly. And to think little Miss/Mr. Rapid Growth is responsible for this. I just hope it's taking full advantage of all the niceness its stealing from me and growing into something big and strong!

Who's Driving this THING?

So now we're on our way into week 11. According to all the stuff I've read, we're out of the "danger zone"...As I knock on wood...But I don't know that the nerves ever quite subside. I must say, I've never felt so out of control with regard to anything. I am SO not driving this one - I'm not driving how big I'm getting, or how small I'm NOT staying, it's just happening. It's a tough thing to get my mind around. I'm also not in control as to how well this baby does in pregnancy. Until I feel it moving, I won't even know that it's doing okay. That's something that once it does start moving I could at least monitor for normalcy, but in the meantime, I have no confirmation that everything's okay. Yes, I'm trying to micro-manage my own body. It's worked for this long... (wait, no it hasn't. I'm coo coo!).

On a more sentimental note, I'm realizing that this worrying that I'm doing now and the lack of control I have is simply a symptom of how deeply I feel for this baby. I'm realizing that this feeling of helplessness and constant worry, while admittedly a sign of my constant neuroses, is a clear indication of what the future has in store and what it must feel like to fall madly in love with a child. You can't lock it up in closet to keep it safe, you have to just trust that you know what you're doing and can then impart this wisdom on to a child. But you're never completely in control - sure you play a key roll, but then there's fate and life in general rolling around out there that is much more powerful that we will ever be. Wow. I guess it's time for this neurotic micro manager to surrender and learn to let go. Yeah. I'll start working on that -- neurotically, of course.

Daddy Eats for Two...

Hi this is Josh. I'm eating a grilled cheese sandwich. That's what I do these days.

Here we go!

Well, it's officially been 9 1/2 weeks since our happy little journey began. (Not to break stride with how I tend to operate in every other walk of life, I'm JUST now getting around to starting an official "pregnancy journal".) Even though it was one mere month to date that the magic stick came back with a startling "two lines," it seems like it's been quite a while - it's starting to grow on us as "the way life is".

Be forewarned - I'm going to be candid. Perhaps painfully candid. If you can't stand the abundance of information -- then change the channel, this ain't the stop for you!

I have experienced a lot of changes already. Let's just start with --- My boobs HURT! I've never really had this as a PMS-ish type of issue, but dang if isn't now!! They just hurt, like needles poking in them. I did have a surgery to reduce their volume about two years ago and I know some of the nerve endings were still connecting and this in itself can be a bit painful. I'm thinking that the pregnancy has encouraged this nerve ending process just a bit so everything is ready to, uh, function when the baby arrives. So we've really compounded the discomfort issue here.

Next note, I think about two days ago my belly officially POPPED out! There's no hiding this little wonder now! Although, we we're out of the gestational closet with everyone, so it's okay. But now I just feel really fat, like a protruding ring has just been exposed.

I'm also very lucky to have a very sweet "baby daddy". Josh is terribly sweet, sending me text messages saying "take care of my baby", buying low-sodium saltines, and doing every bit of housework I used to do. I've been really exhuasted, so dinners and daily house maintenance has come to a screeeeching halt! It's very sweet. He's been quite doting. I know I'm lucky and so is this baby.

As far as illness/queasiness goes, not too much excitement there. I'm hungry a lot, but haven't really felt sick per se, just need food when I need it. If not fed promptly, the queasiness threatens. So, of course I oblige, by eating. I think I've gained about 7 pounds so far - it's a bit on the high side, but I was taking phentermine before and sticking pretty closely with nutrisystem. So I'm sure whole milk was a shock to my system -- "FAT CELLS REJOICE". Although, i don't care, i'm okay with reckless abandoned. I'll be working pretty hard to get the weight off when it's all said and done, so I'm going to, as Josh suggested, "live it up" while I can!

Oh and here's something neato. We've seen two sonograms -- although it's hard to tell what's what on it, it's still cool to get the confirmation that stuff is working like it should and the little bugger is growing. It was cool that we saw one at 6 weeks or so and then another one at 8 weeks. Such a difference! Right now, all books and stuff say that our little bug is about the size of a prune. Not quite a plum yet.

Now here's a tricky issue: maternity clothes. I think it's officially time, or at least time to throw in the towel and start wearing warm-ups with draw strings. Basically, the time has come to surrender. I no longer have a waistline. (It's rough, this used to be one my redeeming qualities...)

So far, pregnancy has been pretty delightful. I've been emotional, bloated (SO bloated), and VERY tired, but it's just such a blessing, we can't even get our minds around it. We're excited to learn more and more about our little person who'll be joining us soon!